My Narcissistic Ramblings

Nye Beach

2012-01-05T00:36:00.000-08:00

I had a very relaxing afternoon at the coast yesterday. The weather was perfect. Sunset was gorgeous. I needed that.

Ho Ho Ho!

2011-12-28T00:38:00.000-08:00

When we were kids my brothers and I all had Santa mugs. I remember drinking milk out of mine and dunking cookies in it. I liked it, even though none of us ever really believed in Santa as kids, and as an adult I think Santa competes with Jesus for attention at Christmas. This year I decided to make new Santa mugs for all of us as a nostalgic reminder of our childhood Christmases. I started painting them traditionally but didn't get any farther than red hats before I got bored. Here is the result of my boredom.

I laughed myself silly over these. I love them, particularly the zombie Santa. I know, I'm sick. I don't know why I find the idea so appealing and humorous. Lucky for me, the recipients also liked them :D

Alpine Holiday Festival

2011-11-13T21:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I participated in my first ever art/craft fair. I was very nervous about whether I would have enough inventory to fill a whole booth, and whether my first time amateur greenness would look chintzy next to the seasoned veterans of the craft fair circuit. I need not have worried. I totally over-prepared. This is my booth:

I really like how it turned out. I think it's homey and cozy and inviting. Our neighbor vendors were all so friendly and helpful. One of them loaned us an extra table and one offered some peg board to help with the display which we didn't end up using, but the offer was much appreciated.

So many people as they walked by said they had never seen anything like my book art and how cool and impressive and intriguing it was. Equal numbers of people remembered seeing old Reader's Digests folded into angels or Santas or Christmas trees.

My friend Coral came with me for moral support. She also had a few books to sell of her own. We did all right. I figure we about broke even, after the booth rental fee and the gas to get there and the supplies and all. Not to mention the money I spent at other vendors' booths ;) It was fun. I'd totally do it again.

When we arrived in the morning to finish setting up there was a diminutive visitor to our booth. I know the photo is blurry and horrible, but we considered it a sign of good luck that the ladybug decided to grace us with her presence. We liberated her from the confines of the building after quickly taking her portrait :)

News

2011-11-10T23:07:00.000-08:00

Firstly, This weekend I've been asked to participate in a holiday art/craft fair. Woo hoo! I've never done a fair before. I'm nervous about the booth setup. I don't want it to look lame and amateurish. But I'm excited. Coral and Abby are coming with me, so even if we don't sell anything we'll still have fun girly time :)

Secondly, I'm being sued. Remember that ice storm accident I had almost two years ago? Apparently one of the children in the suburban I slid into was injured and the lovely billion dollar multinational corporation for whom I work hasn't paid her medical expenses. Her parents are suing the company... and me... for negligence to the tune of $104,5oo, or something like that. The $4,500 is the medical bill, the $100,000 is for pain and suffering. Every time I try to talk to my boss about it he says, "Don't worry about it. The company will take care of it." But he gives me nothing tangible to make me believe it's true. Their idea of "taking care of it" might be hanging me out to dry. Anyway, Monday is the deadline for the company to respond, so one way or another I suppose I'll know soon.

Thirdly, I got a new calling at church. They released me from teaching Relief Society :( and called me to teach the sunbeams in Primary. Gaaah! I haven't been in Primary since I was 12, and I know next to nothing about 4 year olds. Thank heaven it's team teaching because I think the little rug rats would eat me alive if I had to be in there alone with them. I'm sure it will be good for me, I'm sure I'll learn a lot, and hopefully I won't warp the little ones too severely.

The man in my life

2011-09-08T08:55:00.000-07:00

Casper's human, (my brother) has gone to Hawaii to visit our Dad and has left his gorgous and nearly perfect kitty here. He looks a little cranky in this photo but he is a very good humored creature, and very affectionate. His human is flying home tonight and will undoubtedly be greeted with enthusiastic mews and demands for attention. I love Casper, but I will not miss being jumped on in the middle of the night, or having everything I own covered in long white hairs... but I will miss his furry little face.

911

2011-08-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

I feel like all I ever do is post doom and gloom and whine about it. I apologize, but I genuinely can't think of anything cheerful to write about at the moment. Since last posting I had dinner with my soon to be divorced friend and had to call 911 because he rushed out of the restaurant intent on doing himself harm. The police caught up with him and took him to the hospital, for which I am intensely grateful. I hope they keep him long enough to do some good. He's been talking about drowning and carbon monoxide poisoning and running his car into trees, among other things, for weeks now. I told him I wouldn't stand by and let it happen, that I'd have him committed. He can hate me for the rest of his long and normal life.

On a lighter note, here are some photos of Coral and I at our friend Laura's birthday party, and of the plate I made her:

Googly eyes rock.

Paging Nurse Simmons

2011-08-30T16:05:00.001-07:00

I don't even know what to say about the last few weeks, but I'm tired out. Two things have been going on that independently would be manageable for me, but concurrently they are taxing my strength and sanity. Firstly, my beloved mother has been unwell. She had surgery yesterday and is now home. I've taken some time off work to care for her and am happy to be able to look after her. She's taken such good care of me over the years, it's nice to be able to return the favor in a small way :) But it is stressful. It's hard to see someone you love in pain, which brings me to the second thing.
My good friend is in the beginning stages of divorce and is relying heavily on me for emotional support. He is in the first, most agonizing part: the pain, the self doubt, the depression. And I am his only friend. And it's hard to see him suffering. And of course it reminds me of my own divorce.
Watching other people suffer is almost worse than suffering yourself. I am strong and am happy these people can lean on me for support, but I am tired. I hope I make it to the end of their trials without failing in some major way. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Freeze Frame

2011-08-24T10:29:00.000-07:00

Here are some recent projects. The first two were birthday presents for my nieces. The third is a Christmas present for my mother, which she already knows she's getting because it was originally meant to be for one of my darling nieces and Mum saw it and drooled so excessively over it that it wasn't fit for consumption by anyone else... Not really. No actual drool was produced. She expressed a great liking for it, so I made another one for the girls. The last frame is for my lovely friend Lynda who doesn't read my blog so I can post without her knowing what she's getting :) Is it wrong that the one with my photo in it is my favorite?

RIP part deux

2011-08-06T01:51:00.000-07:00

So... my computer died. I had been telling myself since we got it 2 years ago that I needed to back up my photos and documents. Now they're ALL GONE!!!! WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sniff sniff. I still haven't quite regained good relations with the beastly machine since the reboot. I hate Vista passionately. I blame all the quirks and crashes we suffer through hourly on Bill Gates personally.

On the up side, there's pie. Marionberry, mmmmmm......

As you know, I spend a great deal of time painting pottery, for my own amusement and for easy gifting. I rarely make anything for myself. In fact, in the history of my pottery painting I have only ever made one thing for myself, a gnome called Xenophilius, who I love.

I have many projects in progress and a shelf full of bisque waiting its turn. Among these items is another gnome, to be a friend for Xenophilius. I know exactly how I want to paint him and have been waiting to start him until I get a little further along with my Christmas projects. My friend Jonah has painted two gnomes for himself and has been eyeing my gnome for the last month with envy. He wants to make seven, all in Nascar uniforms, to be the pit crew for his favorite driver, Tony Stewart. (Does that make him Snow White?) He has been hinting broadly that I should let him have my gnome since I have so many other things to paint. They are apparently difficult for the shop to get and the next shipment won't arrive for another month, if ever. Jonah has other projects as well, but none he enjoys as much as gnomes and he has been making it known that he thinks I'm selfish for wanting to keep my gnome. I am feeling browbeaten into giving him the one thing from my shelf that is for me. Am I being selfish? Or is he being a jerk? Or both? I've told him no a dozen times and he keeps asking me. I gave in today and let him have it, not because I wanted to, but because I felt I had to in order to preserve good relations. But I resent it. What happened to no means no?

Cruel and unusual punishment

2011-05-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

I'm not feeling very good about myself today.

Yesterday was one of those days against which one measures good days. It was the opposition against which cheerful, calm days seem sweet. In other words, it sucked. My bus was crowded most of the day with the loud, crass, disrespectful element that seems to crawl out of the woodwork on sunny weekends. Externally I was my usual serene self, but internally I was screaming most of the day. I wanted to be anywhere but there. The crowning event of the day was when a passing truck paused by my open window long enough to yell "stupid fat bitch!" at me as I was stopped to pick up some passengers. I have no idea what I did to piss the driver off. I hadn't stopped suddenly or failed to use my turn signal. I was just doing my job. I think if I had been able to respond, or had understood why he was angry, I would have been less bothered by it. And I'm fairly certain that he wouldn't have said it if he was actually on my bus, facing me in person, and would have had to deal with the consequences of his rudeness. Coward. And he was sporting a fairly sizable beer gut himself, and driving a Ford, so who is he to be questioning my intelligence? At the last conference I went to in Seattle one of the speakers said that there are multiple realities of our identity. If I catalogue my attributes according to this man's assessment: stupid, fat, bitchy - all of that is true sometimes, as well as lazy, selfish, ugly, slovenly, gluttonous, sinful, etc. The list could be endless, really. But other things are also true. I am sometimes generous, kind, beautiful, hard-working, compassionate, intelligent, diligent, faithful, etc. and it makes a difference which list we see as the truth. People are too apt to believe list A about themselves while seeing list B in others. And I am more guilty than most, I suspect...

The second source of my disquiet today is a result of lesson preparation. I read the next two lessons I have to teach in Relief Society. One is on Family Responsibilities and the other is on Eternal Marriage. Who am I to be teaching classes on these subjects?! It's ridiculous. I'm supposed to stand in front of a room full of wives and mothers and teach them about their responsibilities? I must stand there and tell them that a person can't be exalted without temple marriage, and teach them how to prepare their children for temple marriage? Because I'm such a sterling example of having learned that lesson for myself. Why would anyone put value on anything I could possibly have to say about these subjects? I have failed utterly and should be a cautionary tale. I don't relish the position I find myself in. It's enough to make me want to quit my calling, which of course I won't because that's not done. I have never wanted to be released until now. Generally I love my calling. But this seems cruel, as if I will be held up to public ridicule for my failures. The best I can do is stand there and say "do as I say, not as I do", which seems hypocritical to me. Not that I expect the sisters to be at all unkind. They are lovely and supportive, but surely it must occur to them that I have no wisdom here.

In less depressing news, a few months ago I was in Browsers book store talking with the proprietor, telling him how I was going to use the books I was purchasing. He asked me to bring one in and they would hang it, so I did:

This is the largest sculpture I have ever made and I love it. It's made from a book about Beethoven, which I read before transforming it. Speaking of marriage... Beethoven never married... There are all sorts of faithful men who have died without marrying. Perhaps one of them is for me. But if I get to pick, I choose Beethoven :) He seems like my kind of guy.

Tootsies

2011-05-08T15:55:00.000-07:00

Are you tired of photos of my work yet? This was my Mother's Day gift to my Mum. These are Henry's wee footprints. He screamed bloody murder when we put the paint on his tootsies. Boy, he didn't like that one bit!

This was one of John's birthday gifts. The others were fabulous but I haven't photographed them yet. Next time I go stay up there I'll shoot them and post them with info, so stay tuned, because they're seriously cool.

Our Greatest Fear

2011-05-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others."

—Marianne Williamson

I heard this in a talk I went to this weekend in beautiful Bellevue, Wa. I had a lovely, relaxing weekend away. Lovely weather, lovely people, uplifting messages, for the most part. As always, one gets out of these conferences what one puts in, and I went sort of half hog to this one. I was friendly but not outgoing and so people were friendly but not overly so with me, which suits me just fine. I am, however, slightly embarrassed to admit that instead of going to the dance on Saturday night which was supposed to be the big mixer, I stayed in my hotel room and watched Avatar and the Parent Trap simultaneously. (I hate small talk and events like that one are slow torture.) (much like watching Avatar...)

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

This delightful little bowl was left for my mother, one can only assume by the Easter Bunny... via the Pottery Place :)

Most of the pieces I paint are pre-made bisque that I get there off the shelves, but I made this one myself. It started life as a lump of clay and under my expert touch (cough) it became the beauty you see before you. I might have to make more. A flower garden of poppies :)

I love how this one turned out, although it took FOREVER to carve all the white.

They look well together, do they not?

Urgh! This basket of Easter chocolate should NOT be sitting so close to me!

Gail's Plate

2011-04-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

As I suspected, Gail has posted much better photos of our plate here: http://gailpomare.com/gifted/

Service Please

2011-04-08T21:15:00.000-07:00

At long last, I finally sent Gail's plate, so I can now post photos for your viewing pleasure ;) This was my first attempt at etching.

In other news, I attended two funerals this week for ladies I knew from church. The first was for my Mum's dear friend Rachel, who lived a few doors down from us. She was 92 and had bladder cancer and was very ready to rejoin her husband beyond the veil. She was a cheerful, generous woman with a smile for everyone and she will be missed. The second funeral was for Carol, a woman who was very kind to me when I was an obstreperous teenager. She always made me feel loved and special at a time when I was probably least lovable. She also had cancer and was at peace with her imminent departure. She and her husband Harry were college sweethearts, married for 59 years. At the funeral all their sons and grandsons, big strapping lads, got up to sing 'their song', a Kiss to Build a Dream On. Very sweet... and sad to see Harry sitting by the casket listening to the song they fell in love to and danced to all those years. Carol was a doer, always busy, very unlike myself. It is impossible not to evaluate one's own life in the face of such examples. If I live 40 more years I'd like to think I will have acquired some of the kindness and generosity of these women. They were both such sterling examples of serving selflessly. I need to do more.

Sir Ovis Aires

2011-04-05T10:45:00.000-07:00

Woo hoo! I sold 2 books today :) :) :) :) :) And with my new found wealth I could have fed the hungry or clothed the naked... but instead I purchased this: I've been drooling over it for months. It's from one of my favorite Etsy shops, http://www.beatupcreations.etsy.com/ I love her stuff. I think it's hilarious and if I ever remarry, be forewarned. I'm going to register for an entire set of Star Wars plates from her as my wedding china.

AaaaaaCHOO! sniff

2011-03-31T11:35:00.000-07:00

Hooray for good health, a blessing I take for granted except on the rare occasions that it desserts me. I just spent an uncomfortable 5 days curled up on the couch with tonsils swollen to the size of Easter eggs and muscles aching like I'd run a marathon, (as if). Yes, I was visited by the streptococci fairy, who left me a colorful basket of germs that my body found irresistible. Bless you Alexander Fleming. Bless you a million times over.

"But wait!" you say... "You don't have a couch!" Too true, very observant friend. I was cat-sitting at my uncle's at the time of the infection - another source of gratitude. No one was in danger of catching it from me except the cats, and they're antisocial enough with me that even if strep liked kitties there would have been no danger. I'm quite happy none of my family, friends or colleagues can have possibly been infected by me. Of course the downside is that there is no cable, no internet and no cell phone service at my uncle's house, so I was bored off my nut. I spent the ENTIRE time watching dvds and sleeping. I think I watched a minimum of 50 hours of entertainment. And what was the first thing I did when I got home?... I turned on the computer and watched the 2 episodes of House I'd missed while I was away :D

I did fold a few pages while I was there, but I mean a very few... like 10 maybe. I had such big plans, alas. This photo is of one of the first books I ever folded which I am just now getting ready to list. I love how it turned out :D

What up?!

2011-03-20T18:56:00.001-07:00

By the way... I know new posts from me have been pretty thin on the ground this year... but I'm not the only one. Every blog I follow has slowed WAAAAY down from last year. What's up with that? Has the novelty worn off? Is blogging giving way to some newness that I'm too technologically disinclined to know about yet? I miss all my daily communion with my artistic sisters of the world. Now it's more like a monthly communion. One of my favs hasn't posted yet this year!!! Come on peeps! I too will try to do better.

Peter Piper Perfectly Painted Pleasant Purple Pots

2011-03-20T18:35:00.000-07:00

I've been spending a lot of time at the pottery place lately and I'd love to be able to post photos of everything I'm making. Unfortunately for my blog, but fortunately for those who read it, most of what I make is for gifts and I don't want to spoil the surprise by posting before gifting. I might not be able to wait, in which case I'll just post without disclosing the intended recipient. Then it will be a guessing game :) Although I run the risk then of friends and family being disappointed that they got piece A instead of piece B...

This piece has already been gifted, so I can gloat publicly about it now. This was the most last-minute, haphazard piece I've ever done, but I like how it turned out, more especially since I don't have to look at it every day :) The photo in the frame was taken with my wonderful friend Gail at Crater Lake. (Poor Gail still hasn't received her birthday pottery from me. She's moving. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!)

In other news, the display case which was going to house my ninjapony works has disappeared from the building with no word of explanation from the owner. I don't know what's up with that, but poo on him for poor communication skills. Just as well. I haven't posted anything to my shop in months, possibly due to the amount of time I spend at the pottery place. Heh heh. Christmas is just around the corner, folks. But really I have a dozen or so book sculptures ready to post, I just don't seem to do it. The photographing is daunting for me. I never feel I do it well. Suck it up Simmons. Time's a wasting!

Welcome Henry!

2011-02-10T19:06:00.000-08:00

I have been totally remiss in not informing the world of Henry's arrival, over a month ago. My great-nephew. That sounds so odd to me. My great-aunts and uncles were all in their 80's when I was a kid. I don't feel old enough to be anyone's great-anything. Of course, I'm sure my SIL and bro didn't expect to be grandparents in their early 40's either... Isn't he a dear? Last time I saw him he was dressed in a little plaid button up shirt and khaki's just like his daddy, and he had started to lose his hair on the top of his head, like many babies do, so he looked like a little old man. It was awesome! I hope his Grammy got photos because it was too cute.

Happy Birthday Kimi... 2 weeks ago...

2011-02-10T18:36:00.000-08:00

I sent my wonderful and highly gorgeous friend Kimi a birthday package and now that it has finally arrived, (no thanks to me - I sent it to the wrong address,) I can finally post a photo of what was inside :) Naturally, I made her a plate :) And again, I went to take photos, got one shot, and my battery died, so here is the one and only photo of my lovely plate. This is my fav so far :)

Gloat, gloat.

My other wonderful and highly gorgeous friend Gail's birthday is tomorrow, NZ time, but as I still haven't posted her package yet you'll have to wait for photos of whatever it might contain...

In other news, I met with an acquaintance today who happens to own the old JC Penny building downtown which now houses Starbucks and Noah's bagels, among other things. He has display cases in the main lobby/hallway/entrance of the building and starting soon, Ninjapony Paper Arts will be there for all to see, admire, love and purchase :) Yay me! lol.

Charity Never Faileth

2011-01-13T00:56:00.000-08:00

I just returned from a very frustrating weekend away. I went out of town to help someone who had requested assistance and ended up feeling totally taken advantage of. The assistance was monetarily costly and basically ineffective. The people being assisted were disrespectful of our time and resources. I generally try to give people the benefit of the doubt regarding their motives when I feel hard done by, but in this situation it almost feels like a con, like the things that I'd like to chalk up to absentmindedness were, in fact, deliberate attempts to put me in the position of being long-term financially responsible for something they couldn't afford. I hate feeling like this. I don't like to think someone I love could be capable of such calculation. But either way, whether it was deliberate manipulation or egregious disorganization, the end result for me is the same. I'm out a chunk of change, I've lost respect for someone important to me, and I am that much more cynical about helping those in "need". I'm sure in a week or two I'll have talked myself into a more softhearted state of being, but right now I'm pretty pissed.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T21:53:00.000-08:00

The year started well. I slept in and had a lazy breakfast which was interrupted by my brother ringing to say 'meet me at the theater across the street in 10 minutes and we'll see the new Narnia movie'. Lovely film, lovely company.

After we got home I took a tumble down the stairs and sprained my ankle, (yes, again! Left ankle this time. Could have been MUCH worse) followed by a trip to the vet to have our sweet little pet rat Bella sent to rattie heaven. She had a HUMONGOUS tumor and was starting to have mobility issues, so it was time for her to go before life became too painful for her, but I still cried like a baby. I don't even kill spiders or houseflies. It was very difficult to say to the vet, 'yes, go ahead and kill her'. I firmly believe in animal heaven and I know she's happier now and thankful we did what we did, but it was still sad. We buried her in the flower patch out front. In the spring she'll be surrounded by fragrant blooms. Man, I'm all teary just writing about it. Silly. She was just a rat, and she only lived with us for a month. And it was for the best. Yes, for the best. Humane. Sigh.

I wrote this bit a couple of weeks ago:

This last week was the 9th anniversary of my divorce. I kept my husband's last name after the divorce, mostly because I couldn't be bothered with the paperwork of changing it back. I had just finished getting all my ID and accounts changed over, it felt like, but I always said if I were still un-remarried 10 years after the divorce I would choose a new name for myself and keep it forever. That will be next year, which incidentally will also be the year I turn 40. Seems like as good a time as any for reinvention. And I do feel like I need to reinvent myself. I don't like myself much. I mean I guess I'm nice enough on a superficial level, but I'm not a dedicated person. I skate by on pretty minimal effort. In order to really approve of myself as a person I need to be more actively engaged in bettering myself, spiritually, emotionally, socially, financially. I need to cultivate more discipline in my life. So perhaps as a 40th birthday present to myself I will take for myself the name of one of the kindest and most industrious people I know; my grandfather Elmer Hansen. That's right. From now on you can call me Elmer. Just kidding. I'll keep Leah, but I'm serious about the Hansen part. The new me will not wait for the life she expected which hasn't occurred, and will attempt to cease repining for what she doesn't have. The new me will go forward with her life as a single person who has contributions to make and who deserves a full life, not a life of continually disappointed expectations. Not a life of waiting. I'm done waiting. My life is what I make it now, independent of anyone else.

Since writing the above I've made some specific resolutions for the coming year. Just two. Number one - I would like to take to heart the advice I heard in General Conference and become an early-to-bed-early-to-rise kind of person. I think I will feel better physically and be more organized if I get more sleep... so I'm going to try to go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Since my new work schedule starts at 6 am that means I'll be arising at 5 am every day Gah! And going to bed at 10 pm.
Number two - I will try to be nicer to people. I realize that's very vague, but I mean to try to be of good cheer, particularly at work, not to let little totally unimportant things get to me, not to let little annoyances ruin my whole day. I'm going to try to smile more, even if I don't feel like it. We'll see how it goes :)

And lastly, just because I can: Some days at work I think deep and meaningful thoughts. Those are few and far between. Some days I think frivolous thoughts. Those are many. Sometimes my frivolous thoughts amuse me to such an extent that I have to share them and today you are the lucky recipient of my confidence. Yesterday I witnessed an altercation between a driver and an unruly passenger who's language left much to be desired. It got me thinking about this poor young man who has yet to realize that profanity doesn't earn you respect, it marks you as a particular kind of person - one who can't hold their temper and has a limited vocabulary and therefore a limited intelligence. I started to think about the art of insulting intelligently... is there such a thing? Anyway, this is the result of my ruminations. Judge me if you dare: "If my canine companion were as unpulchritudinous as your mother I'd use a depilatory on her gluteus maximus and instruct her in the art of hindward perambulation". Bah hah!

Best Christmas Present EVER!!!

2010-12-30T20:16:00.000-08:00

This is my brand new Top of the Line Simmons Beautyrest Pillow Top Ultra Plush Fancy Schmancy Mattress. That's the technical name. This thing of wonder now belongs to me courtesy of my highly wonderful and generous Uncle Snake, the best uncle in the world. I am in love. I should have taken a photo of the mattress it was replacing and you would better understand my excitement. I believe it was older than I am. It had the stains of generations of children and a valley as deep as the Grand Canyon eroded into the middle by years of burrowing bodies. If this photo makes my room look about the size of your average dorm room, that's an exaggeration. It's smaller. I have lived in houses with closets bigger than my current room. There is literally enough space for the lovely and fabulous new twin size bed and about a foot of walking space around the edge, most of which is taken up with very small furniture. Like the wallpaper? I did it myself :D

Whew!

2010-12-15T10:11:00.000-08:00

Since posting the last, I received a message from the lovely and gracious buyer of the second sculpture informing me that it arrived in beautiful condition. Yay! I didn't kill it! My shipping method works :) I could see you were worried about it. Now you can rest easy.

Woot Woot!

2010-12-15T09:15:00.000-08:00

Miracles do occur! I finally sold 2 book sculptures on Etsy. These two beauties have found new homes :)

I hope their new owners are pleased with the real articles. And I hope they arrived intact :0 I sent them off last week and haven't heard back from either of them if they survived the shipping process or not. I've been toying with the idea of closing my Etsy shop, since I hadn't sold anything AT ALL since I opened. Now I'm not sure what I will do. I'd like to find a local venue to sell at. That way people are seeing exactly what they're getting and I don't have the hassle of shipping. But this pesky day job keeps me from having the time or energy to pursue it more actively. And I guess part of my reluctance is shyness about the validity of my craft/art. On Etsy I can post anonymously and no one can tell me what I do isn't worthy. If I go to the local art/craft places here and say, hey can I display here, they might look at my stuff and sneer... yeah, yeah, I know - man up. If I don't have confidence in my art I can't expect anyone else to.

Ho Ho Ho

2010-12-03T23:48:00.000-08:00

After a marginal evening at work yesterday which left me crankier than usual, I decided to make an attempt at elevating my mood before going home. My long suffering mother deserves better treatment than I was likely to have given her had I gone directly home, so I decided to visit the Mario Pastega Pepsi Cola Bottling Company of Corvallis' annual Christmas light display. This is a staple of Corvallis wintertime festivities and it wouldn't be Christmas without it. I generally strong arm my family into driving through on Christmas Eve, much to their annoyance to hear them tell it. They love it and they know it, no matter how much they might argue to the contrary.

One can't help but be cheered by such a display.

Alphabet Soup

2010-11-13T00:54:00.000-08:00

My niece's baby shower is tomorrow. They're naming her wee bub Henry Mason, so I made this for the nursery wall. I hope she likes it and it doesn't end up in the closet... as a door stop. I fortunately live right next to a sporting goods store, the staff of which very kindly allowed me to skulk around taking photos. My favorite is the e. I was pretty stoked when I found that. I think I actually clapped my hands and jumped up and down. Right handed mitts are rarish. I also really like the texture of the h photo. Unfortunately I have to work tomorrow and can only attend the first 20 minutes of the shower, so I probably won't get to see the unwrapping of this masterpiece. My mum has strict instructions to observe and report.

My bro moved into new digs this week so I spent two days in Portland packing and moving so he wouldn't have to do it all himself in the middle of his midterms at school. I am sore. I press ganged two friends of mine into helping and I have it on good authority that one of them cried in the shower this morning while washing his hair because it hurt to lift his arms. I feel you, my friend. I have a bruise the size of Wisconsin on my arm. But it's worth it to see my bro in a better place. And he'd do the same for me, right???

Adieu, my little friend.

2010-10-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

OK, I know I'm the biggest goober on the planet, possibly in the universe, but I can't help it. My little pink blogger friend sheep is gone and a bit of sunshine has gone out of my world. I know she made it difficult to load my blog. But she was always glad to see me, so unlike most of the people I deal with in my work. I deleted her and I felt like a murderer doing it. I actually cried. Big tears. How sad is it that one of my most satisfying sources of validation is from an electronic sheep. I need to get a life.

Floor

2010-09-26T00:11:00.000-07:00

For a good long while now, possibly years, the floor in our living room has been deteriorating. There were soft spots where I'm sure if I had stomped really hard I would have torn a hole in the carpet and gone right through. It was in dire need of fixing, thus - Cody to the rescue. Cody is a mate from work who is infinitely capable. Last year he painted our house and built new front steps. I felt entirely confident turning this project over to him, although I know him well enough now to double whatever he tells me in time and cost.

I should have taken more 'in progress' photos, but my camera battery was dead for the first day of the process. These were really just an excuse to take pictures of Cody, who I think is totally adorable ;)

It's done now and feels so much more stable :) I don't have to tiptoe around certain spots anymore. We still haven't put everything back where it goes. It's a process.

Special Plate part deux

2010-09-25T23:59:00.000-07:00

Here's my other niece's birthday plate. I didn't get to see her open it, as I was busy being ill, but I hope she liked it. I wish I'd done a darker rim around the edge, like the purple plate. I think it would have looked more finished. Ah well, live and learn.

Fair

2010-09-25T23:42:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been an inexcusably long time since I last posted. I have no good reason why, just lazy :)

I went to the State Fair last month with the usual posse. I didn't blog about it at the time because the memory of the day is totally tainted for me. I came down with the most EEEVIL case of stomach flu ever known to man after I got home, and unfortunately the two events are linked in my mind. I can't see myself enjoying a fair again for many years to come. That said, it was a fabulous day before illness struck. My favorite part was the petting zoo. Here's why:

Isn't she gorgeous? These photos were taken with my phone, so, yeah, they suck. But you get the idea. Alex, this goat's for you :D

This adorable goat was very interested in my camera,

as you can see.

We all got our faces painted. I liked mine best. I felt like a pretty pretty princess... until I got home and started yakking my princess guts out :[

Special Plate

2010-08-29T17:33:00.000-07:00

All of my nieces have birthdays within a few weeks of each other. The two sisters always get the same thing from me. I don't mean I give them the same thing every year, but the two of them always get the same thing as each other from me every year, so I feel bad for the younger one, who's birthday is second, because she always knows what she's getting. One of these years I'll have to be more creative and give her something unexpected. This year I'm mega poor due to too much vacationing and some long planned house repairs, (more on that later,) so I decided that homemade was best. I had a gift certificate to the local paint your own pottery place, so my lovely nieces are getting hand painted plates from their favorite auntie. I went to take photos, got it set up, snapped one photo and my camera battery died, so here is the one and only photo of the "special plate". Not bad, if I do say so myself. Sister #2 gets a blue one :)

Ashland

2010-08-12T01:38:00.000-07:00

The Medford conference was a total bust. It was exactly as dismal as I expected it to be... actually, not true, it was more dismal than I expected. I know in large part you get out what you put in, you find what you're looking for, etc. but in some cases things really do genuinely suck, and I believe this was one of those things. When I arrived there were around 30 people there, 3 of whom were male. 2 of those 3 men were over 60. The one young man was in a wheelchair and looked about 12 years old. The worst part of these events isn't the ratio of men to women, or the small number of attendees. It's the aura of depression and desperation that surrounds the whole affair. The people look as though they've never seen the sun, don't believe in love and expect the worst to happen at any moment. I only stayed about an hour and a half and it was so hideous I couldn't make myself go back the next day.
Conversely, the Festival was AWESOME as always. I saw 3 plays, all of which were superb. It made me miss my days on the stage :) My favorite was the musical, She Loves Me. It was everything the conference was not, bright, vibrant, energetic. Granted, it was fiction, but I remember thinking as I was watching that it would not be possible to be unhappy watching that show. It was perfect, 10 out of 10. If only real life were so effervescent.
This is the Elizabethan Theater where I saw The Merchant of Venice. The photos were taken with my phone, so sorry for the suckiness, but you get the idea :) It was absolutely perfect weather for outdoor theater, warm and breezy. I'd never seen The Merchant of Venice before, but I read it a few days before I left, wanting to be prepared. I'm inclined to think Shylock gets a bad rap. I'm not saying I condone his actions or lifestyle, but I can understand why he does what he does, and Antonio is a bigoted douche. I'm just saying.

Conference

2010-08-01T10:28:00.000-07:00

I actually attended almost every minute of that conference. Aren't you proud of me? And I had a great time. Everyone was very friendly and the talks and workshops were great. There was one in particular that I've been thinking about ever since. It was the sunday fireside. The speaker was a former mission president in the Louisiana mission. He was raised Baptist, so he was a very dynamic speaker, loud and animated, like he expected an AMEN from the congregation occasionally. He even thumped the pulpit a few times :) His topic was living more with the Lord than with the world. I can't tell you any of the stories he told or examples he used, but since then, as I go through my day and find myself spending time on the computer or watching tv, I find myself thinking more often that I could be spending that time with the Lord instead of in the world. And that doesn't mean that I read my scriptures 24/7 and never turn on the tv again. But where are my influences coming from? What voices am I listening to? It stands to reason that the voices I surround myself with most often would be the voices I would eventually heed. Why then wouldn't I want to make sure that the voice of my Father who loves me is uppermost? Quantity counts, apparently :) So I'm making an effort to listen to better music, watch less tv, read more uplifting things, have righteous companions. Not that I wasn't doing those things before, but it was a good reminder.

I'm going to another conference this coming week. This one is in Medford. It's not a mid-singles event, but includes all single adults, so I expect the average age to be 60, particularly as there is another mid-singles conference going on the same weekend in Hood River where all the mids will undoubtedly be. I thought about going to that one, but hotels there were mostly booked and the only ones left were mega expensive. I could get 5 nights in Medford for the same price as 2 in Hood River. Also, Medford is 17 miles from Ashland, home of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. YEAH! I've really been wanting to go this summer. They are staging Pride and Prejudice, which, come on. I have to see it. So I am killing two birds with one stone, (I hate that phrase. There needs to be a new idiom for that concept. Poor birds) and going to the geriatric conference and seeing some great theater, all for less than I would have spent on 2 nights in Hood River. Plus Gab lives between here and there, so I get to see her too :) What could be better?

Itchy!

2010-07-13T12:16:00.000-07:00

I'm going to Seattle tomorrow for a conference. Yes, yet another LDS singles conference. I promise I'll attend at least some of this one. I signed up to be in the choir :) While I'm there I'll be seeing a dear old friend, and in an effort to look my best I decided to splash out and go with my bff for a girly afternoon at the local beauty college yesterday. The mani and pedi were fantastically relaxing, but something that was used during the facial treatment has not agreed with my skin and now I look like Freddy Kruger. OK, that might be a slight exaggeration, but my face is red and puffy. And itchy. Very itchy. Happily, I'm reasonably certain that this friend loves me no matter what I look like. He's seen me in every stage of hideousness, from the Lucille Ball orange hair disaster to stomach flu ickiness to dishevelled tramping through the rain drippiness. He hasn't shunned me yet, so I suspect we will survive this new hideousness just fine. It's just so typical though, isn't it? The worst possible time for an allergic reaction. I'll be the belle of the ball at the conference :D

Rah...

2010-07-11T15:23:00.000-07:00

I had to leave for church in the middle of the game and so missed the winning goal, but it sounds like it was a pretty dirty game. I started out pulling for the Netherlands, but after some pretty appalling behavior from the Holland side I'm glad Spain won in the end. It leaves a bitter taste on the tongue, that the top level teams resort to violence instead of relying on skill. I guess I'm a sports idealist. I think talent and dedication should win, not a willingness to do anything, legal or not, to secure a win. And just because everyone does it doesn't make it right. Disappointing and unsatisfying experience.

Football

2010-07-11T10:17:00.000-07:00

I'm getting ready to watch the FIFA World Cup Final. Normally I would be at church, but I was supposed to be out of town this weekend, at a conference in Portland, so I got substitutes for my RS lesson and for leading the music in sacrament meeting and it just seems like it would be rude to show up and be like, "hey, thanks for doing my job for me". I will attend 3rd ward instead, and in the mean time, I see no reason not to watch the final, since I'm home and all :) I didn't go to the conference because I twisted my ankle a few weeks ago and it hasn't healed right, so I went to the doctor and he told me not to drive for a week. Hooray for sick pay! It's been nice to have a few evenings free. I went to a single adult activity last night for the first time this year. I generally have to be at work when they are going on. Ooh, Nelson Mandela just arrived at the stadium. I think I'm pulling for the Netherlands, although frankly I don't care who wins. I just want it to be a good game.

Coast... again

2010-07-04T11:10:00.000-07:00

I know we are boring creatures of habit, but like true Oregonians, we do like the coast. My bro is here for the 4th, so earlier this week we drove to Newport with Jonah and Coral in tow :) It was PERFECT. The weather couldn't have been better. I don't think I've ever seen the water so blue here. Usually it reflects the grey of the typical Oregon sky, but on this day it was brilliant caribbean blue.

These are from the Devil's Punchbowl. We've been there several times before together and have always managed to arrive at low tide, when the punchbowl is serene and placid. This time was no exception. We arrived 3 hours before high tide and there was no action, so instead of shooting off to another beach, we decided to hang around and see what was to be seen.

There is a stairway down the cliff side that leads to a lovely sandy beach, where apparently the surfing is quite good because I always see a few brave souls out on their boards when we come here.

Alex and Jonah and Coral used the stairway and had a fantastic time exploring and playing. I stayed up top because I sprained my ankle a week or so ago and didn't want to chance that many stairs.

I'm glad I stayed because I had a birds eye view of this:

This just makes me smile :D

Alex also etched BOOGER in huge letters under the names, but thanks to the edit tools on my computer I don't have to look at it on my blog if I don't choose to. Hah! Here is Alex intrepid explorer. It looks quite precipitous, but in reality he is only 20 feet or so off the ground, and could walk upright if he so chose.

It was quite windy, as you can see :)

Can't believe how blue it was. We hung around for the 3 hours till high tide, at which point we eagerly approached the punchbowl viewpoint only to see that there was no discernible difference from any other time we had seen it. It must need to be a particularly high high tide. Perhaps it's more impressive in winter. At any rate, none of us regretted staying. A splendid time was had by all.

What a waste of time!!

2010-06-27T01:28:00.000-07:00

I hate technology. Really. Life would be so much simpler without all these 'time saving' gadgets that really just mean there is more and more meaningless drivel with which to fill our time. Of course, without technology I wouldn't be here ranting to you tonight.

I just spent the last 4 hours trying unsuccessfully to install a webcam on my computer. My dear friend's birthday is tomorrow/today, (he is in Finland, so he's 10 hours ahead -ish) and he's been after me for months... years to get a webcam so we can skype. I have no desire to be visible while we are chatting. I like being able to loll about in my underwear and stuff my face and multitask and mostly to react to things privately before deciding how to respond publicly, so I have been dragging my feet. I thought it would be nice to give him his wish for his birthday and to call him before he left the house for the day. Hah! Not going to happen. Ah, well, it's the thought that counts, and as he didn't even remember my birthday this year I feel no guilt for my failure. Poo poo poo on microsoft and their stupid poopy technology.

Can I See Some ID, Please?

2010-06-21T13:01:00.001-07:00

I went to a bar. I didn't know I was going to a bar. I thought I was going to a restaurant. I read in the paper that my favorite local musician, Dave Plaehn, the best blues harmonica player ever, would be playing at Big River, (yes, the same restaurant where I had lunch with Obama ;) I arrived at the designated place and time only to discover that Dave was playing not in the restaurant proper, but in the bar out the back. It was actually a very pleasant experience, although MILES outside my comfort zone. I rarely go out and never alone and never to a bar. I arrived half an hour before the music was scheduled to begin because I wanted to have dinner and I didn't want to be rudely stuffing my gob while the band was playing. Most of the tables were already full, so I took the last low table and felt like a selfish cow sitting at a table for 4 all by myself, until a lovely woman called Erica asked if she and her friends could join me. Yay Erica. I felt much better not monopolizing so much prime real estate. She and her friends were very gregarious, lovely people. Everyone looked familiar to me. I think they must all ride the bus, everyone in the whole bar - particularly my waiter, Carl, who I'm certain rides the route 6, and who was responsible for handing me the biggest laugh of my day when he carded me for a glass of water. Bless the boy. I'm 39. Dave and his mates are playing there again next month. I think I'll go again, but next time I'll try not to go alone :)

News

2010-06-10T13:41:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted because there's nothing new in my life but these:

I made the stand out of a clothes hanger with a pair of pliers :)

The following are 3 versions of the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam. The town's used book stores are now vacant of illustrated copies of this book :O

Currier and Ives' America. I felt no compunction in mutilating this book. Some of the paintings were pretty un-pc to the point of being offensive, mostly the ones dealing with Native Americans and with women suffragettes. I know it was the mindset of the times, but Grrrrr! It's better as sculpture :)

This understated beauty is perhaps my favorite.

Sadly, many people are looking at my site, and even liking it, but no one is buying :( Boo hoo. But I'm still hopeful. It's only been a few weeks since I opened shop.

It's not strictly true that there is nothing new in my life. I am going to be a great aunt. WooHoo! My niece is pregnant and the world rejoices. My mum is so happy she could burst and my sis in law is going to need cheek replacement surgery because she's going to wear hers out with grinning from ear to ear. My brother strenuously objects to being called Grandpa by anyone except the actual grandchild, and at 43 one can hardly blame him.

Also new - my Dad and his lovely wife are moving to Hawaii in August. Yeah!! I've always wanted to go there but never had a good excuse. He got a job at the university in Honolulu, so it's goodbye snow and hello sun. Grad school in Hawaii... hmmm.... Well, since Lost is done filming there there's less of a draw to live there ;) Lost. Don't get me started.

etsy

2010-05-25T12:44:00.000-07:00

I know I've been a horrible slacker here on blogger, but only because I've been busy here: www.ninjapony.etsy.com It's my new online shop. The books are taking over my house. I have to dispose of them in some way :) Might as well make a buck from my obsession. I haven't sold anything yet, but I am hopeful. I will feel totally vindicated if I can sell just one book to a stranger, someone who isn't buying it because of a personal connection with me, but because they really like the article for it's own sake. Not that I'm saying if you know and love me don't buy my stuff. Feel free to purchase my entire catalogue. But the true feeling of having succeeded will be complete only when and if someone unconnected with me forks over some dough for one of my creations.

Self Portrait

2010-05-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

As I finished work this morning and was leaving the bus terminal to go to my car, I saw this on the pavement. I see oil spills all the time there, but I've never seen one do this. As I was photographing what must from a distance have appeared to be nothing on the pavement, apparently I must've looked goofy enough to attract attention, because several people came over to see what was so engrossing. One of them even whipped out her camera and joined me :)

Morbid Fascination

2010-05-09T11:44:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it's my daily association with this vehicle that fuels my fascination with it's carcass, but I do find it riveting. I was 12 minutes late on my route yesterday because I was ogling it on my way out to my bus. I find it beautiful and full of interest. Am I a weirdo?

These were taken with my camera as opposed to my phone, so should be better than the first set:

This clearly is the engine compartment. There are bits of fiberglass all over the ground around it, but a lot of the casing was also consumed in the blaze.

The ceiling:

I like the drippy plastic bits.

Windows:

Tail lights:

I love this. I think it looks like snake skin.

Front window:

Front wall above driver's seat:

I think this is my favorite. I get a perverse sense of satisfaction seeing my company logo this way :D

My seat... with the totally untouched fire extinguisher next to it. There was no way I was opening that door to reach in and grab it. I got the one from the bus next door.

The aroma exuding from this shell of a bus really is like a carcass. You can smell it all over the lot - smoke and plastic and rubber and oil. I almost wish they'd leave it on the lot, but we need the parking space. And I imagine that the management aren't as pleased to see it every day as I am, a constant reminder of lost revenue and failed safety measures. For me it's a reminder that in a crisis I didn't panic and was able to do what needed to be done. I feel good about that.

Just a regular day on the job...

2010-05-05T18:58:00.000-07:00

"Um... there's something wrong with 740... There's smoke coming out the back." That's how it all started. I had just finished my shift and was inside the bus barn chatting with Cody, the night phone guy, when the bus cleaning crew came in and casually mentioned that we might want to go outside and have a look. I walked out and sure enough, there were clouds of black smoke billowing out of the engine compartment of one of our older buses and flaming globs of engine stuff dripping out onto the ground. I yelled and Cody came out, took one look and tore off to find a fire extinguisher. He would have been entirely successful but he chose the mechanics shop as his destination... where they store the dud extinguishers that need servicing. The first several he tried didn't work, so I grabbed one from another bus and pulled the pin for him. Meanwhile I had called 911 and started moving the rest of the buses out of the area, so that if the humongous diesel tank exploded we didn't lose our entire fleet. The fire trucks arrived in good time and extinguished the now very respectably blazing bus with copious amounts of foamy stuff. I took a few photos with my phone, but by the time I was unoccupied enough to think of it, most of the really impressive pyrotechnics were buried under a mound of foam. So these are awful, grainy, blurry photos, but the best I could do under the circumstances.

Cody in the red shirt with the non-dud in his hand :)

The aftermath:

We've had bus fires before, most notably the sister of this bus, 739 about 10 years ago. 739 was caught early I guess, because it's still part of the fleet, but there will be no salvaging this one. You can't see it from the photos, but the rear windows all bowed out with the heat and the top roof hatch melted. The smoke was absolutely foul smelling. I got a couple of really hearty lungfuls during the process, but apparently I'll live :) Exciting times at bus barn. Unfortunately it means I'll have to drive the trolley tomorrow morning, as we are now short one bus x-[

My new hobby (obsession?)

2010-05-03T00:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know.

Someone has too much time on their hands.

That's what you're thinking.

Perhaps you're right. Some of them are a bit bizarre.

But I love this one. LOVE. I want to marry it and have it's babies. It's my favorite, but Shhhh. Don't tell the other books. They'll feel bad.

This one is a Barbie book, for my friend who collects Barbies

Last year I saw an exhibit at a gallery in Bellevue of altered book art. I was instantly enthralled by the idea of taking old unwanted books and making them into something cool. Some of them were incredible, intricate, imaginative. I wanted to come home and start mutilating books, but it wasn't until a few days ago when I was looking online and found a site selling similar things to the first photo here... for $50!!! that I really became motivated to give it a try. There are lots of different versions of this kind of thing available, but I haven't seen anything like my favorite. No one seems to be using much color.

Hang up and drive!

2010-04-30T22:29:00.000-07:00

I nearly ended a life today. A man in a shiny black car, talking on his cell phone, rolled through a stop sign and pulled out in front of my bus and I mean RIGHT in front of my bus. I blared my horn and slammed on my brakes as hard as I could, sending passengers reeling and tipping over a stroller containing a very frightened baby. I stopped 2 inches from the driver's door, with my bus straddling a railroad track. He looked absolutely terrified, then shrugged and drove off. Grade A industrial strength douche bag! If I hadn't been able to stop he would have been no longer of this world. My bus and I would have squashed him like a bug. That phone call had better have been important. It better have been the lottery commission telling him he won a flabillion dollars, or the hospital informing him that they'd found a donor for his heart transplant, because otherwise, it's not worth losing a life over.

Coast again

2010-04-25T12:05:00.000-07:00

Here are a few photos from Newport on Friday. I took Alex, Jonah and Coral along with me and we had a grand old time. We visited our old friends the sea lions, ate at the newly remodeled Mo's, and spent several hours on the beach, some of us in quiet contemplation and others in riotous fun. Guess which I was. Suffice it to say, I thought it was important that there be at least one dry, well rested person to go for help if the rest of them got dragged under by the Kracken, or something slightly less fantastic.

Pansy

2010-04-21T01:39:00.000-07:00

Remember those Hefty garbage bag ads from a few years back? "Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy! Hefty hefty hefty!" Is it possible to be both? If any of you ever need CPR and I'm the only other person around, you're going to die. I am seriously a wuss and CPR takes some major stamina, so unless the EMTs arrive within about 2 minutes or there is an AED close by, it's curtains for you, baby. I had to renew my First Aid/CPR certification for work recently, and I dunno, are those dummies stiffer than a real body? Because it's freaking impossible to get the little light thingeys to go off every time. I need to do some weight training or something.

Holiday - woo hoo!

2010-04-20T12:06:00.000-07:00

I have been granted a short holiday from work. Yes, folks, all my hard work and loyalty have finally paid off and I have been given an impromptu vacation. I earned this bonus yesterday morning when my alarm failed to function and I overslept and was 20 minutes late to start my shift. In recognition of this outstanding contribution they have extended me the opportunity for a 3 day unpaid hiatus from work. I have been suspended. Yay me. Does a 3 day suspension seem a little steep for 20 minutes late to anyone but me? I should add that this is the second time in 3 years that I have been late for work, and that in spite of my arriving 20 minutes late, I was on time to start the route. The buses were not held up by my lateness, unlike last week when Steve, another driver who had 4 incidents of lateness on his record showed up an hour and a half late for his shift. We received the same punishment. How is this fair?! I'm grousing here about it, but aside from the no pay part, and the unfairly harsh part, I'm not at all upset to have some time off. Friday I'm taking Alex to the coast. Wednesday I'm meeting Gab in Eugene for some girl time. Thursday evening I'm having game night with Jonah and Coral. It could definitely be worse. Too bad I couldn't have known about it ahead of time and planned a little getaway or something :)

Ebay is evil. I've decided. Actually, ebay is just like any other potential time waster on the internet. It has it's purpose, but for people like me, slightly obsessive compulsive sheep fanatics, it is a dangerous thing. Do you know how many sheep things are listed currently on ebay? I do, because I've looked at nearly all of them. (Incidentally, it's 28,064.) This is my new love:

I covet this sheep. Isn't he magnificent? He's also obscenely expensive. I've paid less for cars I've owned. But he is gorgeous, and I sincerely hope he finds a good and loving home. Sigh.

Lilacs

2010-04-14T17:15:00.000-07:00

Spring is firmly and emphatically here, at long last. It was a sunny 65 degrees in my garden today :)

I'm not sure what this beauty will turn into, but I'd like to pretend it will be a butterfly, as opposed to some creepy crawly something that will end up in my shoe some morning.

This just makes me smile :)

I wish I could import the smell to go with this photo. I love lilacs. Nothing says spring to me like lilacs and snowballs. In my grandparent's garden there were lovely old lilac and snowball bushes side by side, and for the few fleeting weeks of their blooming season we would fill the house with blossoms.

My first year of college, on the last day of school, my boyfriend of the time and I were hurrying across campus to go to an awards ceremony, the very last thing we were going to do together before we got in our respective cars and drove home for the summer. We were dressed up in our Sunday best and looking fine. On our way the heavens opened and the rain poured down for one of those brief but energetic bursts. We took shelter under a blooming lilac tree and waited for the squall to pass, holding hands and drinking in the incredible aroma of the flowers and the rain. It was a very poignant and tender moment, knowing that we were soon to be parted, and even though things didn't work out between us, I still remember it fondly when I smell lilacs :)

Death and ....

2010-04-13T14:48:00.001-07:00

This was my accomplishment for the day:

Two whole days early! Normally I would have filed them months ago, but I'm not getting a refund this year, so I figure I'd like to keep my money as long as possible :) Unhappy as I am about owing taxes this year, at least it means I have a job and a good income. And that the infrastructure will continue to function, hopefully. And at least I'm not taxed 50% of my increase like the people of Limhi in bondage to the Lamanites, although sometimes it feels like it. No, all things considered, I really can't complain. At least not about this :)

Go Beavs! far far away

2010-04-05T14:39:00.000-07:00

I did a semi-sneaky thing at work the other day and have been gloating over it's success ever since. The OSU v U of O civil war football game is scheduled to be in Corvallis this year on the 4th of December. I hate even being in the same city for this event, let alone trying to drive the bus that services the stadium, so I put in a time off request for that one day... and it was approved! Hee hee. I'm sure the dispatcher didn't realize what day it was, and if she had she would have rejected it. Bwah hah hah hah hah!!! I plan on staying cozied up at home pretending there's no such thing as american football.

Resolve 2

2010-03-28T14:10:00.000-07:00

This is far more personal than I generally allow myself to be on this forum. Please be gentle with me.

Today I've had an epiphany of sorts. What I want most and have always wanted most for my life is to love and be loved. I've wanted to be married and have a family since I can remember. I never wanted a career. I never wanted to work outside the home. I wanted to be a wife and mother, to spend my days caring for my loved ones, making home a haven, showing through my work on their behalf that I value them. Over the last few years, as I have aged and the realization of that goal has grown less likely, I guess I've given up in a way. I've allowed myself to feel as if there is no use to continue hoping, and that I should accept my current lot in life and be content. This conveniently lets me off the hook for making any effort to improve myself for the sake of my future spouse and posterity. I've had many priesthood blessing promising me that if I am faithful and worthy, I will have a temple marriage, in the time of the Lord. I've also allowed myself to think that perhaps I had missed out on that promise somehow through unworthiness or laziness or poor choices. I have allowed myself to drift so far from what would be desirable in a companion, and yet I blame my singleness on the shallowness of men in not being able to see my fine qualities through all my selfishness. So my epiphany for the day is that I need to be the person I would want to marry. Tada! Brilliant, eh? All these years I have been focusing on wanting someone to love me for who I am, as I am, without wanting to change me. But I want to change myself!! I always have. It's absurd of me to expect anyone else to take me as I am when what I am is unacceptable even to myself. So I feel a renewed desire to be a better human being, a better daughter of God. I'm sure it'll pass. After I've finished this post I'll turn on the TV, and I'll stay up far too late this evening. Tomorrow morning I'll wake up to the alarm and hit snooze instead of getting up for my morning exercise, and the self loathing will lull me back to sleep. By tomorrow evening I'll have forgotten all about this temporary wish to better myself and I'll have achieved contentment. That is, until I log on here again and see this post. Bwa hah! No escape.

Coast

2010-03-26T11:13:00.000-07:00

This week was my bro's spring break, so he came down for a few days and we went to the coast one afternoon. It was a splendid day to be there, cool and clear. We had heard reports of stupendous numbers of whales being visible on their journey down the coast, so we drove to Depoe Bay to see what we could see.

This is what we could see, the blank face of the ocean unspotted by whales of any description. The day before we were there the number of sightings was an astounding 70. The day we were there it was 3. Typical :D

There were lots of boats to be seen, fishing charters and whale watching excursion boats. We were lolling near where the boats docked and I heard several passengers remark upon disembarking that they had enjoyed their trips in spite of the lack of whales, so we wouldn't have fared any better had we taken a charter trip. Just as well. It looked pretty choppy.

The next day I drove down to Roseburg to visit my lovely friend Gab and we decided to take a drive over to... you guessed it, the coast! We went to Coos Bay and Bandon. In Bandon we visited Cranberry Sweets, one of my favorite shops in the world. They are the producers of a divine treat called Lemon Meringue Pie Candy, which I am constitutionally unable to resist. It is heaven in candy form. I purchased it and several other sweet things which I had intended for family members at home and most of which never made it to their intended recipients. The less said about that the better, so... in Coos Bay we walked along the boardwalk and ogled the ships moored there. This beauty was among them. I was charmed by her colorful, rust-laden hull. Something about her appeals to me. Perhaps my over-romanticised notions of what it would be like to live a sea-faring life, with the wind whipping through my flaxen hair and Johnny Depp at my side... Lol. I can't even fantasize about that with a straight face.

Heh heh

2010-03-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

OK, so I didn't actually attend the conference, (she says sheepishly). Here's the deal. I left home in what I thought would be plenty of time to get to my hotel, get gussied up, and still make it to the conference in good time. It failed to occur to me that Friday was the first day of Spring Break and that every human with a vehicle would be on the road, so a trip that usually takes me 4 and a half hours took 7. I arrived at my hotel after 9pm, in need of grooming from the long drive, so it would have been 10 by the time I got to the church. Not worth it. That's way more than fashionably late. Shame too, because for a change, I was actually feeling pretty up for socializing, a rare feeling for me. I had psyched myself up on the drive and was disappointed not to be able to go. So I lounged around in my extremely spacious and luxurious hotel room, which was bigger than some apartments I've lived in, enjoying the solitude.

The next morning I was still a little peeved about missing the stuff the night before, and also frustrated about not being able to get hold of my brother who lives in Seattle, so I was feeling decidedly unsocial, unlike the previous evening. I still planned on going, and in aid of that resolve, I showered and prepared to dress, only to discover that I had packed everything I needed, except... a bra. I had set aside two clean white bras, fresh from the laundry to go in my suitcase, but somehow they never made it there, so all I had with me was the one I had worn the day before, which incidentally was the one at the bottom of the drawer that only gets worn when every other option has been exhausted because it's laundry day. It does not fit well, nor is it flattering. And it wasn't clean. I know, TMI, but it was the deciding factor for me. No way was I in the mood to go to the meat market in a dirty, ill-fitting bra. So I went back to bed :) I lazed around doing crossword puzzles and playing brick breaker on my phone while waiting to hear from my brother. Very productive. Around mid-day I decided I should probably not spend the entire weekend in my hotel room, so I dressed and drove to my brother's house and left a note on the door. I figured since phone and email messages were unsuccessful, he might respond to an actual note. I left there and drove to University Village, the snootiest mall in the Northwest, I'm convinced. Very upscale, so much so that I'm told the Starbucks doesn't list prices on their menu. They say if you have to ask how much it costs, you shouldn't be there. I didn't go to the Starbucks, but went instead to possibly my favorite restaurant in America, Blue C Sushi. Here are some photos:

I want them to open a branch of this restaurant here. It's too cool. You can't really tell from the photos, (I was trying to be respectful and not photograph other patrons stuffing their faces,) but the place is set up with an open kitchen area in the middle and a conveyor belt running around the edge of the kitchen, where the chefs place their freshly made sushi dishes, and where the patrons can reach up and grab what ever looks good to them as it floats by.

Here is a small portion of my fantastically satisfying meal. My favorite thing there was the green spinach dish in the front of the photo. It's cold towers of spinach with a sweet sesame sauce, so tasty. I had two plates of that :) Also splendid was the braised tuna and the krab salad. You see how the plates are all different colors. Each color represents a different price, so when you finish your meal the wait person comes and counts your plates and gives you the bill.

The end of the meal, a stack of satisfaction. The hour I spent here was the most relaxing and serene of my weekend.

As I was finishing my meal I got a message from my brother, at long last :) We made plans for the evening, so in the interim hours I wandered around the snooty shops and did a little Christmas/birthday shopping. Nothing like planning ahead, eh? There is a confectionery shop across from the sushi place that is noteworthy. When you walk through the doors you are assaulted with color. Everything is just so; perfectly organized and tidy in a beautifully artistic and creative way. I wanted to take photos, but they wouldn't let me. Snooty pooheads. I shouldn't have asked. I should have just done it. They had the cutest little chocolate truffle Easter animals, little chicks and sheep. They were awesome! And tasty too :D

away away

2010-03-18T13:54:00.000-07:00

I'm going here tomorrow :) Well, actually I'm going near there tomorrow. I won't actually go to the temple till Saturday morning, 7 am session. Yes, after deciding last year not to go to any more LDS singles conferences, I'm going to the Everett Washington LDS singles conference. It's really just an excuse to get out of town for a few days and to possibly see my bro and his family. And also, I like the talks and workshops. I'm totally over the whole meat market-dance-socialize-try to connect with people who are looking for someone better than you-thing. I'm just looking forward to a nice spiritual uplift. I hope the weather stays nice for the drive.

I have recently started doing something I thought I would never do - counting calories. I'm not sure if I can stand to do it long term, but for now it's interesting. I find some of the results surprising, like how few calories are in fruit. I thought it would be higher with all that natural sugar. Bread is also surprising to me. And alas, butter... my old friend. Sigh.

Sweet

2010-03-12T12:58:00.000-08:00

Remember my friend Lynda with stage 3 breast cancer? I made her some cupcakes as a pick me up yesterday. The chemo is really doing a number on her. I wonder how normal her side affects are. Her skin is peeling all over, her fingernails and toenails are falling off, she has random wounds that have appeared out of no where that don't heal, everything tastes bad to her. Perhaps cupcakes weren't the best idea, but I wanted to remind her what she gets at the end of the process. She's still really excited about getting new boobies. I guess I must be a closet perv because I really enjoyed making these. I think they turned out so cute, and they were mighty tasty too :)

'Scuse me

2010-03-04T22:14:00.000-08:00

Today I laughed until I cried, something that hasn't happened for awhile. I went to dinner with my friends Coral and Jonah, and on the drive home we had an impromptu belching contest. I was awesome, if I do say so. I have 3 brothers, so I can belch with the best of them. Jonah, at 6 foot 5 inches and something like 400 lbs, is also a consummate belcher, so the competition was fierce. There was no official winner declared, but as Coral was the judge and Jonah is her boyfriend, I think there is little doubt who she would pick. She has to live with him, after all. After I dropped them off, I called and left a belch on their answering machine :D

Gimme Shelter

2010-02-25T11:52:00.000-08:00

I had a pleasant experience at work the other day. Well, actually, it wasn't pleasant, but less hideous than I expected, which makes it pleasant by comparison. The fine city in which I reside is very homeless friendly. There are many programs and helps for them here, which combined with our mild climate, bring them here in droves. One of the services provided by the community for them is a cold weather shelter at a local church with free bus service to the shelter. Until recently, I have studiously avoided being the driver on the particular run that transports them to the shelter at the end of the day, but during the last round of route changes I unthinkingly bid on this very run for one day a week. So every Tuesday night I will have the privilege of transporting our indigent population to their beds. There have been issues and problems with these gentlemen before, issues of discourteous behavior, foul language, harassment of non-homeless passengers, not to mention the smell. I should add that most community shelters stipulate that a person must be sober in order to use their facilities. Not so our shelter. They can arrive in any state and and still be welcome. So last Tuesday was my first time and I expected to have trouble. These gentlemen have been issued passes for the bus that they are supposed to show as they get on. Most of the other drivers don't bother to check passes. They just want to get them on and off as quickly as possible. I'm totally anal about passes and fares, and so I told one of the men waiting at the bus terminal half an hour before their run that I would be checking passes and they should please have them ready when they got on the bus. I expected lots of complaining and abuse when the time came to load the bus, but they were all there with their passes ready. Only 3 of them didn't have them out when they got on the bus and they showed me on the way off. They sat quietly the whole trip, which I understand is VERY unusual. They thanked me respectfully when they got off. It was bizarre and I was frankly stunned. Hopefully this behavior continues, but even if it doesn't I'm thankful for the one peaceful night. The cold weather shelter ends in 3 weeks, so... :)

Yawn

2010-02-25T11:37:00.000-08:00

I have been remiss. I haven't posted for an unforgivably long while. I haven't had anything interesting to say. Nor do I today, but I'll give it a go:

The weather has been very fine of late. Unusually sunny for this time of year, although we have had some rain this week, which I'm sure the garden appreciates . . .

My health has been entirely satisfactory this winter. I seem to have avoided the nasty bugs everyone else has been suffering through, in spite of my lack of flu shot this year . . .

My mother and I went to Goodwill last week and bought a new-to-us footstool for the living room. It is currently covered in an unfortunate maroon polyester fabric that needs changing, so we went yesterday to find a replacement fabric. We couldn't find one we both like. She wants forest green velvet and I want brown faux fur . . .

You're glad I haven't posted now, aren't you?

Music From Beyond ;)

2010-02-11T12:15:00.000-08:00

The other day as Mum and I were driving to Portland, she put an old CD of my college choir in the stereo to entertain us on our drive. As we listened I recollected that it was there in that auditorium, singing those songs that I had first met Charlie. We were in the same choir. Our choir of 100 voices practiced in the round, that is surrounding our director in a circle, and it happened that Charlie and I were placed directly opposite each other in the formation. I had ample opportunity to stare at him every day while we sang, and that suited me just fine. I always liked Charlie's looks. (For the record, he never noticed me. I asked him on our first date, to the symphony.) Anyway, I had forgotten that he also accompanied the choir. He was a musical genius. The first few songs on the CD are acapella, but when the piano started and I realized who I was hearing, I got a little teary. Mum offered to change the music, but I wanted to hear it. I'm glad I have it, to remember his talent, and our first year together. My relationship with Charlie was a struggle from start to finish. I had to fight to get in that choir, the first musical group I ever auditioned for and didn't get into right away. I had to convince Charlie that he was interested in me, and basically drag him kicking and screaming to the altar. I never understood why he went through with it. He didn't want to be married. Our marriage was a constant struggle for me to figure out why he wasn't happy, and of course in the end there was the emotional struggle of the divorce, which continues. I learned a lot from Charlie, mostly about agency. For better of for worse, Charlie is part of what makes me who I am today. The lessons learned from him color everything I do, every interaction with another human being. Damn it! He's still manipulating me even from beyond the grave. I guess he gets his wish then. He wanted to change how I interact with people and he's done it. OK, when I started typing this I was a little sad. Now I'm just angry.

Delete

2010-02-10T12:56:00.000-08:00

I've decided online dating isn't for me. I'm not trusting enough. I will never believe that a man showing interest in me online is what he says he is, because there is no way to know. It's hard enough in person, and I'm a bad enough judge of character that I totally don't trust myself to see the truth. When we make a profile about ourselves, of course we highlight our positive character traits and ignore our negative ones. We omit, exaggerate, embellish? I tried not to, but it's a medium that lends itself to incomplete and semi-true information. Is it even possible to make an honest profile?

Also, the companies that run these online dating sites have an interest in their clients staying single. They need half a dozen success stories to post in their advertising, but it is far better for them if the rest of us fail, so we will continue paying for their services. If all their clients found love they would be out of a job. So why would I trust them to help me succeed????

Therefore, I have deleted my online profiles and have now only to be chagrined that, against my principles and better judgement, I actually paid good money to these shysters, these purveyors of fairy tales hoping for real results. For the record, I've been contemplating this move since long before the Brad incident. My experience with him just confirmed to me that I don't feel comfortable there. I take dating too seriously. It's not a game and I can't treat it like it's entertainment.

gifts

2010-02-07T10:29:00.000-08:00

My birthday was several days ago and a miracle occurred. It was sunny. I honestly don't think I've ever had a sunny birthday in Oregon before. Normally the first week in February is the worst part of winter here. Ice storms, snow, sub-arctic temperatures, (or so it feels to us mild climate loving Oregonians.) It was sunny and 60 degrees. I wore a short sleeved shirt without a jacket and drove with the windows open. It was awesome :) My birthday gift from the heavens, made even more notable by the heavy rains on the preceding and following days. The second gift from Mother Nature was pink :) a few tiny little pink buds on my Daphnae bush. After wanting a daphnae in our yard for years, I finally got one for my birthday last year. I planted it and it did not thrive. We had a big freezing ice storm here a couple of months ago and all the leaves turned black and fell off. I thought I had killed it. Then low and behold, on my birthday there were leaf buds and blossoms preparing to bloom :D Thank you to whomever is in charge of these little things. I appreciate it.

Conversely, I did my taxes today and discovered that I will not be getting a whopping big refund as one always hopes. I owe federal taxes and get a State refund, which basically cancel each other out. I think I make $20 in the deal. At least I'm not majorly in the hole.

I have stopped writing to Brad, and he doesn't seem to have noticed. So much for undying devotion ;)

I had lunch with Barak Obama

2010-02-07T10:21:00.000-08:00

Not really. What really happened was that my mum and uncle and I went to lunch the other day at Big River, a semi-snooty but very tasty upish scale restaurant. The whole time my mum was glancing at the table behind me, and near the end of our meal, when the guests at that table left the room, mum said, "that was Michelle Obama's brother. I was watching him on the news yesterday." Apparently he coaches something here, basketball maybe. Then I was joking how that sort of story tends to grow in the retelling and that if I were to tell people that I saw Michelle Obama's brother at a restaurant during lunch, a few days later the story would be that I had lunch with Barak Obama. Voila.

Liar liar pants on fire?

2010-02-03T00:19:00.000-08:00

I made a new friend, I think. His name is Brad, if he can be believed. I met Brad online, so I'm 95% inclined not to believe a word he says, although that said, my brother met his wife online and she's the best thing that ever happened to him. I'm even more inclined to think Brad is either a liar or a loony because something like 85% of what he writes is abject flattery and romantic frippery. He's never met me and he writes things like, "You're so beautiful I think God must have spent extra time creating you" and " If you ever give me your heart I'll love and cherish it like a newborn baby" !!! That one made me laugh out loud when I read it. Bleah!!! It's like I just drank a gallon of maple syrup. I know I shouldn't make fun, but who says that?!!! So why, oh why haven't I kicked this guy to the curb, you ask? Because the other 15% of what he writes seems genuine and sincere and I dunno, I kind of like his weirdness. It's quaint. I should mention that he's from Amsterdam, so a large part of his total un-PC, social unawareness vibe could be cultural. Assuming he really is from the Netherlands and not some 63 year old, 579 pound, mullet wearing, warty, work from home telemarketer from Arkansas.

Happiness

2010-02-02T23:52:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine randomly said to me today, "I think we all want to be happy forever". I had to think about that. Do I want to be happy forever? What does that even mean? The first disturbing conclusion I came to is that I don't trust happiness. If I'm happy it's because I'm missing something, blissfully ignorant of some truth that will mitigate the happiness with pain. When I'm happy I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Also, if I'm happy it's because I'm not paying attention, not looking at the people around me. Think of Haiti. How can I or should I be happy when there is so much suffering in the world? As for being happy forever, I don't think that's actually part of the grand design. If happiness was all there was, it would cease to have value. Happiness is only good compared to misery. Unmitigated happiness would be dull, and frankly unproductive. There must be opposition in all things. In order to appreciate the joy we must feel the misery. People often say happiness is a choice. If that's so then I choose occasional happiness mingled with productive trials. It actually makes me happier realizing that I don't want continual happiness. It makes me feel like I'm doing something right by having a marginal day :)

Creamy Lemony Perfection

2010-01-28T21:09:00.000-08:00

Need I say more? This lemon pudding cake followed a fresh and vibrant concoction of greens, radishes, mushrooms, cucumbers and gorgonzola. I'm a lucky girl :)

My mates Gail and Mark often photograph their food, which has always amused me. Gail and I were reminiscing the other day about the food we ate in Paris. I have a vague remembrance of fantastically tasty food, but recall very few details beyond the Yogurt incident and a very succulent pork dish. Gail remembers it ALL because she has photos of every meal we ate.

Laundry

2010-01-23T11:48:00.000-08:00

I have today off :) I'm filling my free morning with extra exciting things like sleeping and laundry. Not at the same time. I've done six loads of laundry and now the only dirty clothes in the house are on my body. Of course, the bigger job is putting it all away, which may or may not happen today. This afternoon I'm driving down to Eugene to have a girly day with my friend Gab. She's looking for a couch, so we're going furniture shopping, and possibly to a movie and definitely to dinner. I'm thinking steak. Yes, I'm a hypocrite when it comes to food. I don't bring non-local meat into the house, but when I eat out it's too complicated to find something on the menu with no meat or eggs that actually tastes good. So steak here I come.

I had a lovely walk with my friend Chad yesterday. He has recently given up his on-line gaming addiction and is filling his time with more healthful pursuits, one of which is a daily walk. Yesterday I finished work early, actually before dark, which is rare for me, so I tagged along. We walked along the bike path between Witham Hill and Harrison which is a 10 minute walk one way, which we did round trip twice. It leads through a wetlandy sort of area. We were there right at sunset. It was absolutely lovely. The sky was brilliant and the frogs and geese were so loud. It was great. I didn't take my camera though. Sorry.

I have too much crap

2010-01-16T18:23:00.000-08:00

I had the day off work today and decided to clean my closet. This is never a good idea. I should learn. At the moment I'm taking a breather. (stalling) My closet looks exactly the same. My room however does not. The bed is piled high with clothes that need to be hung, there is a huge pile of rubbish to be disposed of and a smaller pile of things to be gotten rid of somewhere other than the dump. Closets are like holes in the ground. Once you've dug a hole the dirt that comes out of it never fits back in the same hole. Closets are the same. Where did it all come from?!

raise me up

2010-01-11T22:31:00.000-08:00

Apparently no one has gotten a raise at work for over a year :( The company is in contract negotiations with the union, (which frankly seems to be unending. Are we ever not in negotiations of some sort?) and the result is a raise freeze. Goody. Apparently when they figure it all out we will get back pay for the raises we were supposed to have had all this time. I am not holding my breath. Poor Debbie, our accountant, who will have the wonderful job of figuring everyone's back pay from their hire dates, all 90 something of us. She REALLY deserves a raise. But it does irk me that after 2 and a half years I am making the same rate as Don, who was hired 2 months ago. I'mthankfultohaveajobI'mthankfultohaveajobI'mthankfultohaveajob

AWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

2010-01-10T14:47:00.000-08:00

My little pink sheepy exudes hearts if you tickle her abundantly.

RS

2010-01-10T13:04:00.000-08:00

I taught Relief Society today. We have started a new manual with the new year, very back to basics, so much so that the lessons are about a page long, as opposed to 3 or 4 pages in the old manual. It makes for a lot of creative and interesting discussion, because there is a lot of extra time to fill. I was worried that no one would talk, but silly me, I should have known better. There were so many comments that we went over time and I had to stop the discussion and skip the closing hymn. My ward RS is great :) The lesson topic was God. I told you it was basic. We mostly talked about what led each of us to believe in God, the nature of God, our relationship to Him. We also had an interesting discussion about the hubris involved in believing that science is infallible, or that we know so much that we can't be wrong. I myself have been wrong so often in my life that I am always keenly aware of the possibility that I am mistaken about any and everything. You will rarely if ever hear me say I am 100% sure of anything, including religious matters where the custom is to say 'I know beyond a shadow of a doubt..." I don't know anything beyond doubt, not even things that are tangible and provable. My perception is always suspect. I doubt everything. But I believe things wholeheartedly. Belief is not knowledge, and knowledge ends the necessity for faith. I'm quite content to be faithful and believing, as opposed to knowledgeable. Knowledge brings too much responsibility and I am nothing if not lazy ;D

baa

2010-01-08T22:03:00.001-08:00

Ok, I know I'm a weirdo, but is not that little sheep the cutest thing ever? She laughs when you click on her with your mouse :) And I like the Mormon Radio link too. You can listen to Motab while you read my words of wisdom. (cough cough).

$

2010-01-08T21:43:00.000-08:00

I'm about to show my laissez-faire attitude to the small details of my working life. I just discovered today that I haven't had a pay raise since I started driving city bus. We're supposed to get them every six months, plus every year on our hire-date anniversary, so I should have had 4 raises since I was officially hired. (8 if you count the year I drove for them before being "officially" hired.) How is it possible that I am just now discovering this omission, you ask? Generally, as long as I get a paycheck and it seems approximately the right amount, I'm not too fussed. But having now discovered the error, I plan on making a pretty big stink in my bosses office on Monday morning. They owe me a heck of a lot of back pay, as I see it. Schmucks. If I weren't already totally fed up with our new company, I probably wouldn't make too big a fuss, but for crying out loud. First Group are the biggest bunch of tightwads on the planet. They have stopped paying for tissues, garbage can liners, soap for the bathrooms, cleaning staff for the building, the daily newspaper... and the whopper of the pile: they wouldn't pay for the septic people to come and service the tank so we had sewage backing up at our facility and our boss had to pay for the septic service out of his own pocket. I will exact every iota of back pay from these criminals. I hate that we are now run by this huge multinational company that is so far removed from us on a personal level that they are capable of not caring about sewage at their facility. Alas for the days of small local ownership. I know, I know... I need a new job.

Fish

2010-01-03T23:13:00.001-08:00

YAY!!! My fish are working again :D I've missed them. I dunno what happened to them but for awhile there they disappeared from my blog. Now they are back with their wiggly graceful beauty. Yay!! (Easily pleased, am I not?)

We've just finished watching Cranford on PBS. What a lovely bit of fluff. I love Judi Dench. She's a dish, and a joy to watch.

Go All Blacks!

2010-01-03T23:04:00.000-08:00

I totally want to go to the Rugby Word Cup in 2011. I was thinking to do the Milford trek for my 40th birthday in February, but perhaps I'll postpone it till September and kill two birds with one stone. One only ever has one 40th birthday. I've got to milk it for all it's worth, eh? Prime tickets to the match I want to see are $450 nz :-O perhaps I'll have to settle for the nosebleeds for $120. Clearly I plan on becoming independently wealthy between now and then.

Resolve

2010-01-03T00:12:00.000-08:00

I miss New Zealand today. I wish I were there.

I wish you were there too. I wish we were all there together.

Resolutions... Hmmm. I can't decide if I think they are healthy and helpful or if they are part of a continuous cycle of disappointed expectations and unreached goals that chip away at self esteem. Goals are important. Setting achievable goals and reaching them is self affirming. But how often does one actually keep New Years resolutions? How often does one feel like a failure looking back over last year's list and realizing that it didn't even take a month for them all to fall by the wayside? I'd say about once a year.

My friend suggested several resolutions for me, among them to get another job and to visit New Zealand this year. Those almost seem mutually exclusive to me. Not much chance of me being able to afford a trip to NZ without a good paying job, and not much chance of me getting time off to go gallivanting to the other hemisphere at a brand new job. I think I will make no new resolutions this year, but I will set a goal. I'd like to hike the Milford track in the not too distant future, like within a year and a halfish. This involves smaller goals in the nature of saving and training, so I don't die in the wilderness.

Well, church will come at an unnaturally early hour tomorrow :( so I'd better turn in.

Alma 34:32-33

2009-12-30T03:04:00.000-08:00

Life is fragile. We never know when our end will come. I say this to myself more than to anyone else out there: we should not wait to be the person we want to be, the person Heavenly Father expects us to be.

I learned today that one of my former students died on Boxing Day, reportedly by his own hand. My prayers are with his family.

These were some of my boys. Aren't they gorgeous? Little punks :) One of them is now gone. One of them has lost a brother. All of them have lost a friend. Of course I feel as though I failed him in some way, even though it's been 4 years since he was my student.

Dances With Smurfs

2009-12-28T22:50:00.000-08:00

I must thank my brilliant friend Andy for the biggest laugh of my day, which occurred when he referred to Avatar as Dances With Smurfs. I don't know if he was the originator of the quip, but it sounds like something he'd say. Love you, Andy. You rock!

Luuuuke! I am your Faaather!!!

2009-12-20T14:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday on the bus, Joe, a regular passenger who is an older guy in a wheelchair and who is... how shall we say... hygienically challenged, asked me if I could tuck his coat sleeve up under his butt for him. !!!!!!! Dirty old man. He would never have asked, I'm sure, if we hadn't been alone on the bus. Clearly I told him no, he'd have to manage it by himself. EW. Maybe you had to be there to get the whole creepy vibe, but I wanted to go home and take a shower after the incident. A teacher of mine used to say there are only two kinds of men - dirty old men and dead men. I don't believe that, but Joe certainly isn't a positive representative for his gender. The rest of them should get together and do something about it. He makes them look bad.

I have a head cold. I have lost my voice. I sound like Darth Vader. This pleases and amuses me. Not the cold part, but definitely the growly no voice part. The most sucky part though is that once again, I am barred from church today. They've asked us not to come if we're sick and I am visibly, audibly ill, so I have to miss the Christmas program :'( Waaahhh!! I wanted to hear the music. I haven't gotten to do any carolling this year. Although a bunch of the drivers were singing snippets over the radio the other night, the result of which was that I had 'I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas' stuck in my head for an interminable 2 days. Not the same as Silent Night by the ward choir. Sigh.

My family is beginning to gather for the holidays. My bro is coming down from Portland tonight with his adorable feline. He will stay up at my uncle's, but the kitty will stay here :) I like having a cat in the house, and Casper is a particularly fine specimen. Playful and cuddly, and oh so photogenic.

!

2009-12-17T09:54:00.000-08:00

Christmas is a week from tomorrow!!!!! How did that happen?!?!!!

2009

2009-12-13T13:38:00.000-08:00

There are 18 days left in the year. In the preceding 347 days I have lost my ex-husband and my cousin, watched my mother suffer with ill health and my brother struggle with his family, I have paid approximately double what my vehicle is worth in car repairs (and the check engine light is still on), I've been in a major accident (well, ok, it feels major to me), three of my coworkers have been diagnosed with cancer, one of whom is very dear to me, a pipe burst at my brother's house yesterday, I've gained what feels like 50 lbs, although it's probably more like 15, I've been single exactly 8 years this week and I haven't had a date in about that long, I've worked 275 of those 347 days and I'm tired.

Also in those 347 days I have had a job. A good paying job with benefits, which in spite of my sometimes very bad attitude, I do generally enjoy. I personally have enjoyed mostly good health and have been largely injury free. I took several fabulous trips and saw many new things. I fell in love with Paris. I've gotten to spend lots of family time. I've enjoyed my church calling. The struggles I've had this year have taught me things about myself and have put in very clear view those on whom I can truly rely. I have amazing, lovely, supportive friends for whom I am grateful.

I've seen many things in the course of my work that have warmed my heart, or at very least amused me. I suppose it's patronizing and wrong, but my passengers entertain and amuse me daily. People do the dumbest things. For example, I saw a guy riding his Harley last week wearing a leather kilt. !!! It was 20 degrees outside and he was ON A MOTORCYCLE... in a skirt. And you would not believe the conversations I overhear. People don't see me as human generally. I am an extension of the bus equipment, so the regular rules of courtesy and privacy don't apply to me. My favorite conversation that I overheard on the bus was between a woman and her male friend. She was telling him at great length the about her evil sister-in-law, using very unforgiving, violent language to describe her feelings and wishes, and then suddenly the conversation turned to religion and she was talking about forgiveness and how a person isn't supposed to hold grudges and she said, "It's like the Bible says: If you ain't got love, you ain't worth shit". I suspect that introspection was not her strong suit.

Do you think I need a new job?

2009-12-11T22:10:00.000-08:00

Today I plowed into the back of a suburban, through 2 trees and into a fence. Thank heaven for the trees and fence because if they didn't exist I would've ended up in the living room of a very nice family, probably on top of their Christmas tree. Let me state at this point that no one was injured. This heart stopping event occurred not because I was being careless, or because of anything so rational as mechanical malfunction. It was an act of God, assisted by my boss. God provided the freezing rain that made the roads like a snot coated skating rink. My boss was responsible for the part that happened after I called him to tell him I was stuck on the hill and if I tried to move any farther I would hit something. He insisted that I continue my route, honestly not to be mean, but just because he didn't know what else to do. In hindsight, I'm sure he's wishing he'd called a tow truck when I asked him to.

Will it never end?

2009-12-10T23:10:00.000-08:00

The answer is, no, it won't. My friend told me today she's been diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. She seems very upbeat about it, and spent most of the conversation telling me the parts she's looking forward to. She's all kinds of excited that she gets "new boobies". Not so excited about the chemo/hair loss part, but she did tell me she got a bunch of cool scarves for her head, like tie dye and peace symbols that she knows will annoy our boss :D Today she is my hero. I don't think I could be as positive as she is being, were I in her place. And, you know, cause it's all about me... I've already lost one dear friend to breast cancer, and this has been a bitch of a year already, so Lynda, if you could just not die, that would really help me out.

:D

2009-12-09T21:39:00.000-08:00

The most awesome thing happened today. I won't name names, because I promised I wouldn't, but I went out to lunch with someone. We both had glasses of water with straws in them. Clear glasses, clear water, clear straws, very easy to forget the straw was there. So this person picked up her glass to take a drink and the straw totally went up her nose. Like really far up her nose. It was hilarious and I will ridicule her for all eternity. The food was really good. I had an omelette with sort of curry veggies inside. And we shared a macaroon. This restaurant has the best ones in town. Very tasty, chocolate dipped and big enough to share :)

Dear Santa...

2009-12-05T01:21:00.001-08:00

Feeling a bit better, I guess. Shen the sheep boy was back on the bus today. So cute.

I went to see my friend Gary in a play tonight - A Greater Tuna Christmas, which sounds frankly frightful but was, in fact, hilarious. Fantastic show. There are about 2 dozen characters all of whom are played by 2 actors. So, my friend Gary, who is a sizable guy, dressed up in drag and played Aunt Pearl, and Beulah, among others. He was Awesome. Laughed harder than I have in a long time, which is good. I needed that.

My uncle asked me today what I want for Christmas. Would you like to see my list?

World Peace
A bigger house
A boyfriend
A new job
To weigh less than 200 lbs
A personality transplant so that I like exercise more than TV and lettuce more than chocolate
An invisibility cloak
A million dollars
Or barring any of that, a lobotomy

I hope Santa is reading...

meh

2009-12-02T21:26:00.000-08:00

I haven't felt much like blogging lately. Or much like being social in any capacity really. Occasionally things happen to make one lose one's faith in humanity. Little things. Hurtful things. Things that lead one to believe it's better to be a hermit, guarded and cynical than to be open to the pain of life, the pain of love. So this is me in hermit mode. I'm trying to fight it, because it's what's expected, but frankly I don't want to. If I could sequester myself away in solitude for a month, I would. As long as I could be outside. Or it would be cool to be invisible. Cause then I could still live my normal life, but I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. It's really too bad my family isn't Catholic, because then I could join a convent and take a vow of silence. That would be awesome. As it is, being a visible non-Catholic, I will continue to go to work every day and smile and make inane small talk, and do a job a chimp could do, until I can't stand it any more. If I start talking about plans for poisoning the town's water supply, or asking too many questions about automatic weapons, you might want to alert the authorities.

I Am Miss Bates

2009-11-29T10:14:00.000-08:00

Not Emma Woodhouse, not Harriet Smith, not Jane Fairfax and not even Miss Taylor, but Miss Bates. The sooner I accept it and adjust my expectations accordingly, the happier I'll be.

Gobble gobble

2009-11-23T22:32:00.000-08:00

I'm stoked! I ordered a local wild turkey for Thanksgiving from Bald Hill Farm and I got to pick it up today. Yesterday morning it looked like this.
Now it's in my fridge. Is that morbid? Perhaps. More morbid than Butterball? I think not. At least it was happy and healthy while it lived. And it will be oh so tasty come Thursday afternoon, assuming I don't overcook it. Gobble gobble indeed. I also got a local organic ham for my poultry allergic brother. I love leftover ham. I hope my stomach has recovered entirely from it's weekend of bad behavior. I have no wish to have to eat carefully on Thanksgiving.

I'm going to stay at my uncle's for the next few days so that my other brother can have my room. That way he won't have to drive up and down the hill every day, and also he can stay with his cat, Casper, who will be here as well. Aren't I nice? Not that I have ulterior motives... Uncle Snake just bought season 3 of Heroes, which I have yet to see. Now I can stay up all night and watch it :D

Baa

2009-11-21T14:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday there was a kid on my bus who squealed with delight every time we passed a field of sheep. "Sheep!!! Sheep! Look, Mom, sheep!! SHEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!" It was totally cute. He didn't seem at all impressed with the many cows and horses we passed. Clearly this kid has got his priorities straight. SHEEEEEEEP indeed.

Edna

2009-11-19T23:21:00.000-08:00

The last run of my day I usually transport a half dozen people or so, give or take. Today I had one lone passenger, a young man who rides nearly every day. He observed as we drove through the abnormally empty streets of campus after dark, "Whoa, it's like the aftermath scene in a zombie movie... cause there's no one around, ya know?" I laughed. It's such a guy thing to say.

There's a group of special women I transport from the gym to the terminal every day, so they can catch their bus home. They work out and go swimming and soak in the hot tub before they come to my bus. They're lovely, cheery, chatty ladies. Yesterday as I was pulling up to their stop, one of them peered through the front windscreen, saw me, turned to her friends and said, "Oh good! It's her", while clapping her hands with glee. Made my day, I tell you.

Yesterday I had a meeting with my funeral director friend to ask him questions about his job. It was very informative, and of course, he took me on a tour of the facility. Did you know they have little mini urns, so that if more than one relative wants to keep Grandma close by they can divvy up her ashes and carry her with them? I find that a bit creepy, to tell the truth, but not as weird as funeral keepsake jewelry, which is exactly what it sounds like. (ew!) I had to smile because the flower shop that this particular funeral home recommends to it's customers is run by my ex-boss's arch nemesis. I just bit my tongue and kept on walking.

Naturally we looked in on the embalming lab. Edna was there, chilling on the table, waiting to be dressed for her service, which is tomorrow. She looked to have been in her 80s. My friend said they wait to dress them till just before the viewing because sometimes they leak, and that can be a problem if they're already dressed. He did tell me that the the whole bodies-move-during-the-embalming-process thing is just a myth. He said he's never seen anyone move. I was surprised how much the embalming lab did not smell. I was standing next to an embalmed body and I couldn't smell formaldehyde until he actually opened up the cupboard where the chemicals are stored. Then I got a faint whiff. Did you know the smell of formaldehyde sinks? The vents are all at floor level. I also learned that I don't actually have to go to school and get an embalming license to be a funeral director. If I don't want to do embalming, I can do an apprenticeship and take a test and get a funeral director's license that way. Seems like the weenie's way out to me :) Aren't you glad you're my friend and get to learn all these fascinatingly morbid factoids? Bet you're glad you logged on here today, eh?

Farewell, my little blue friends

2009-11-18T22:50:00.000-08:00

The carnage!! The destruction!! The total devastation!! The Smurf Village has been razed to the ground. Sob. Apparently the grounds crew at HP have no respect for little blue beings because when I drove through there today it was all gone, only stems left. I'd post photos, but I think they'd be too graphic for my reading audience.

Seattle

2009-11-16T22:27:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the unexplained absence. We did end up driving to Seattle for the weekend and had an interesting visit with my Bro and his family. I had to do battle to get my Saturday off. I went to my manager and truly ranted for about 10 minutes about the injustice of the situation with particular emphasis on the need for a change in the system. She agreed with me, but didn't see what was to be done in this particular instance. One of the other drivers who was also scheduled to have the day off agreed to take the shift, mostly just to shut me up, I think. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Of course, he shouldn't have had to give up his day off either, but at least he volunteered.

It was lovely to see my bro and his family, wish we'd had more time and could have been more help. The most we could really do was to suggest they move here to be closer to family support. That would be so cool. Then we'd all be here, except Alex, who is just an hour and a half away.

I didn't take even one single photo the whole weekend, not even of my family, nor did I walk. I spent nearly the entirety of my waking hours sitting in the car or at the house or at a restaurant.

This is a photo from a different Seattle visit, where I walked a lot :)

Rant

2009-11-12T21:48:00.000-08:00

This evening I walked the entire length of Monroe Avenue and back, 52 blocks, 45 minutes. I don't much like walking after dark, not because I don't like the atmosphere, but because I'm a paranoid, chicken little girl. I get jumpy every time I have to pass out of the light, even on a totally busy road like Monroe. I imagine creepy homeless crack addicts behind every tree. I also like it less than daylight because I can't get decent photos of anything. I need a tripod :p

I pass this bush in the bus every day and I find it fascinating how the branches change from glowing orange to vibrant purple, polar opposites on the same plant. Of course, this photo doesn't do the colors justice.

This is one of the many churches on Monroe. I used to sing here as a girl. My school choir had a concert here every year. The stained glass is much more impressive from the inside :)

Today I want to quit my job. I was supposed to have Saturday off, as per the new schedule I mentioned. I had planned to help my brother move, and was trying to keep the weekend reasonably free in case I needed to rush to Seattle to help with the family drama going on up there. But someone in the office didn't do their job and it was discovered that they had double scheduled someone for Saturday afternoon. Instead of telling one of the people who had asked for an unscheduled day off that they needed to work their shift as there was no one to cover for them, they are forcing me to take someone else's shift. I am sick sick sick of working for a company who doesn't respect my time, my health, my mental well being. They don't care that I have a life outside of work, or that I am having to change plans and disappoint people in order to accommodate their mistake. For the millionth time. Rant rant rave pontificate spew vent rant rant rant.

Grrr

2009-11-10T21:05:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged much in the last few days because I'm upset about some family stuff and anything I write is going to be a vituperative rant. I don't want to go there, particularly not with any detail, but I will make one observation. This is a gross generalization, and maybe it's just in my family. I don't know, but it seems to me that men are awfully good at excusing themselves from blame when things go wrong, even when it's completely obvious to the rest of the world that they are complicit in the problem, whereas women beat themselves up mercilessly about things that couldn't possibly have been their fault. Am I imagining this?

I took a walk around my neighborhood today and snapped a few photos :)

I stumbled upon the Smurf village on my way. They weren't at home, alas. Maybe next time.

This is possibly my favorite tree in my home town. I know it doesn't look like much now, but in the spring it's pretty impressive, and of course I like it in winter when it's naked. The reason I love it above all others is that it is, in fact, a pair of trees. Two trunks, two trees, one crown, one silhouette. Two trees forming one entity. Make of it what you will. I just like it.

I need a new camera. If I had a new camera I could have gotten some really impressive shots of these geese. As it is I have to tell you they're geese or you'd never know. When I started to shoot they were closer, but apparently I'm scarier than I think I am, because they made like a flock of chickens and beat a hasty retreat as soon as I started moving.

This just makes me smile.

Portland

2009-11-07T20:20:00.000-08:00

I had a great day in Portland yesterday. I went to the temple, which was lovely, and afterwards I picked up my bro and we walked a bit through his neighborhood.

I'd like to be able to say this is some cool local street vendor, but it's Trader Joe's. They had luscious flowers outside, but sadly most of my photos were blurry :( This is the best one.

Our walk took us to the Ram's Head, a branch of McMennamin's, which is an Oregon chain of pubs, I guess, if you can call half a dozen restaurants a chain. They do lovely fish and chips, and of course I approve of their decor :)

After dinner we saw "The Men Who Stare at Goats". It was hilarious, more especially because they kept going on about Jedi warriors and using the force, and Ewan McGreggor, who is Obi-Wan, the ultimate Jedi in the Star Wars movies, kept looking utterly clueless and asking, "What's a Jedi?". You probably have to be a Sci-fi geek to appreciate the humor, but it cracked me up. Yes, yes, I know it's rated R, but only for language and for one brief, incidental, non-gratuitous bit of nudity involving Ewan McGreggor and George Clooney and hospital gowns, which frankly I enjoyed.

Also yesterday morning, before any of these other activities, I went to Mt Hood community college, where there was an information meeting about a program I'm looking in to. MHCC has the only Mortuary Sciences degree in the northwest. I have long thought that working in the funeral industry would be a rewarding way to spend one's time, being there for people at that most trying time, preparing remains for their eventual resurrection. I haven't decided yet whether I'm going to do it or not. I'm not sure it's what the Lord wants me to do at the moment, but the meeting was very interesting, particularly watching the other people there and how they reacted to certain things. There were about 20 people there. At the end of the meeting they took us into the embalming lab. Normally there is no one there unless they are actually performing an embalming, but yesterday there were workmen fixing the cooler, so the normal inhabitants of the cooler were moved into the lab. So there was one body on a table at the far end of the room, wrapped in plastic. Many of the potential students seemed quite reluctant to enter the room, or go to the far end where the table was. They all huddled near the door. I kept thinking, "dude, if you have trouble with this, you shouldn't be here".

Day Off

2009-11-05T20:56:00.000-08:00

I'm going here tomorrow :)

Yay! It's been awhile since I've been, so I took the day off in order to go. I'm killing two birds with one stone and going to see my brother while I'm in Portland.... not that I'd actually kill birds. You know what I mean. We will be dining and seeing a movie, I believe. I told him he could choose, so I hope I don't have to go see Saw 6 or anything creepy. I'd actually send him in to the theater and meet him after the carnage was over. I don't do creepy.

I didn't have a walk today, as it is bucketing down rain with gale force winds. I like this kind of weather, but I'm not keen to be out in it, fighting off flu as I am. Instead I plan on doing half an hour of Wii boxing after Mum goes to bed. Upper body workout instead of lower, for a change :) I find Wii boxing therapeutic. I kick ass!

River Ramble

2009-11-03T23:01:00.000-08:00

Today during my lunch hour I took a walk along the river. I then promptly undid any good I might have done by lunching at Dairy Queen. I eat there about twice a year. I really like the pumpkin pie blizzards, and the peppermint flip ones, so I allow myself one each per year. Today was pumpkin pie blizzard day :) I also had a new grilled turkey sandwichy thingy that was surprisingly good.

This stretch of river that I strolled along today was the site of my one and only truly illegal act. About fifteen years ago I became aware of the existence of a sawed off shotgun in my garage. Don't ask me how it got there. I had nothing to do with it. My roommate Laura's dad was a retired cop, so we called him and asked what we should do with it. He said under no circumstances should we call the police, as the mere possession of said object would get us in big trouble. He told us to take it apart and dispose of it, preferably with the help of a rowboat. Neither of us had any clue about guns, so we called our friend Vince who came and dismantled it for us, chuckling the whole time at the condition of the gun and how freaked out by it we were. He said it was so old it probably wouldn't shoot. Late that night my friend Aaron and I took a little stroll along the river with the pieces of the gun in a very inconspicuous brown paper bag which we periodically opened and tossed the various pieces of gun into the middle of the river. We laughed at ourselves the whole way, knowing how ridiculous we must look skulking along in the dark. It was a bizarre experience.