Tuesday, October 6, 2009
I will be away for a few days, away from my computer, away from work, away from home, away. I'm shoving off in the wee sma's tomorrow. At least that's the plan, and I'm hoping to arrive in Salt Lake before dark. Knowing me, it will be more like 11 before I hit the booming metropolis that harbors my Father and his lovely wife as well as my ex-in-laws. I am attending Charlie's funeral on Saturday. I am still unsure as to the wisdom of this trip. I go to gratify myself at the cost of everyone else. My Dad and step-mum are coming here to visit my siblings and I this weekend. I will not be here. My friend and her husband are coming here to look at houses this weekend. I will not be here. Saturday is a home game at OSU, the most difficult day to get time off work because every able-bodied driver is needed, and I won't be here. I am unsure of my reception at this event. I am the ex, after all. His family might think it's strange for me to be there. My presence might make them uncomfortable. I hope that's not the case, because I really want to be there, for me. In spite of everything, all the manipulation and dishonesty, and the whole divorce thing, I still love Charlie in a way. I'd never go back to the way we were, but there are good memories mingled with the bad, and in his defense, he is the only man game enough to even try to be married to me. The rest of the population seems ready to give it a miss, so for that I honor him. It seems only right to go and participate in his memorial. Have I convinced you yet? I've re-convinced myself, which was the point, I suspect. So all you millions of readers out there will have a break from my rantings until next week. I strongly suspect that I'm the only one who reads this blog anyway, so in this at least, I'm not inconveniencing anyone but myself.